Kehilangan vs Kematian

Assalamualaikum wrt.

er hello mello peeps. what's up? any story to gossip with me? hehe teruk kn i..patutnya tanya sihat ke, dah makan ke hape..ni tak tsk T_____T ok ok back to what i wanna story here.. so peeps, be prepared coz this's gonna be another HEMO2 session. Hm last week, when i do blogwalking to my bloglist, i came to Sophie Al-Yahya's (sweet architect and also swimming instructer) that story about her lost oned. Read her story bring tears down into my chubby cheek. makes me wondering, missing all those beloved that already leave me. Yeah i'm such an EMO person. quite a crybaby i admit *'shy shy. Too many losses. People gone..Forever. Al Fatihah penyambung kasih.Surah Yassin dan tahlil pengubat rindu. Disini hanya sebahagian, hanya beberapa yang i ceritakan..mereka2 yang pergi meninggalkan kami, yang meninggalkan rindu yang tak terucap buat mereka. yang telah hilang ditelan bumi namun terus hidup dalam memori..

arwah Tok Ayoh- masa kenduri bercukur I, in Mac 1988

2004

Starting from 2004, i learned what was the true meaning of losing when my beloved grandpa @ arwah tok ayoh passed away. That time i was in form5, my SPM year. Arwah tok ayoh is one of the person beside my parents that i really3 loved. masa i form 4 until form 5 i lived in Kota Bharu, Kelantan with Tok Ayoh and Mok (My late grandma) while my family in Beaufort, Sabah. Sehari sebelum pemergian arwah, i balik kampung Papa (@Kg Kerasak, PMas). Arwah actually xbg i balik kg time tu. i ingat lagi arwah ckp " tok payoh g ari ni la.. minggu depe g la.. takut x de nok jupo- (tak payah pergi la. takut xsempat jumpa)" i xfaham kenapa arwah ckp mcm tu tapi bila i tanya tok ayoh diam je. and yup i pergi jugak. Believe it or not mlm tu masa i tidow kat PMas,malam tu i asyik dgr bunyi bising mcm bunyi burung and i also mimpi arwah, pakai baju melayu warna putih, smiling at me and said " tok ayoh nok g doh ni. jago diri molek. jange lupo tok ayoh" and then i terbangun. waktu subuh time tu. After solat subuh i nak sambung tidow tapi xleh. sbb rasa xsedap hati and guess what,Arwah pergi waktu subuh, just after dia solat subuh. Mok kata dia dengar tok ayoh dok berzikir before tok ayoh tarik nafas panjang and....... Seriously i'm really2 shocked when i get the news. terus balik KB, masuk umah, tukar baju then terus pi tgk arwah.Masya Allah, wajah Tok ayoh lain.. Tok Ayoh macam tengah senyum. Bersih je. And remember that, even till now i type this post, tears keep falling down. My mama balik terus hari tu jugak tapi unfortunately my mama and moksu doesnt make it on time. Jenazah dah selamat dikebumikan masa mama dan moksu sampai. Tok Ayoh meninggal hari org pergi haji pergi melontar. dalam bulan 2 tahun 2004. Pemergian tok ayoh makes me feels really lost. Arwah suka sgt tgk citer PRamlee. i selalu usik2 dia nak tukar citer lain bila ade citer PRamlee. tok ayoh suka makan nasi kerabu, ulam hiris kasar2. suka makan durian. tak pernah nak susahkan sesapa. ya Allah, rindunya saya pada dia.. Al Fatihah buat tok ayoh..

2006

MOk( nenek i), after tok ayoh pergi, i tinggal dengan Mok je kat umah.Mok yang jaga i, yang masakkan i tiap2 hari.teman i tengok citer PRamlee, teman i pi toilet bila malam sbb i penakut. i duduk dengan mok sampai habis SPM. after that i duduk dengan family kat Manjung Perak and masuk UNIKOP. I ingat lagi, i cuti mid sem utk semester 2 kat Unikop. i balik KB but i didnt spend much time with her. sibuk dengan benda2 lain yang ntah pape. She's not so well. and before i balik KL, i salam dia,i peluk dia, i cakap " mok, nanti ore cuti ore balik jago mok ye" she said " ...hm kalu sempat la" and just few days after i balik KL, i got the same mimpi again. i mimpi Mok pakai kain sembahyang, jumpa i and also ckp macam tok ayoh pesan dalam mimpi i dulu. and esoknya, in class i got this really bad feeling. i told my friend, Hariz but he told me not to think much about that. i dont know why i keeps remember her and then just after my class end, i got a call from my cousin's Hubby, Abe Anep suruh i kemas brg cpt sbb nak balik kg. when i asked him why, he just said " Mok tenat". i terus lari balik hostel, kemas barang and malam tu jugak konvoi 2 kereta dengan Moksu, balik kelantan. i cant speak.. I cant think of anything except her. I doa sggt i sempat jumpa dia.. and alhamdulillah, we arrived KB kol 4 something, terus pergi Hosp KB. pergi ward and yeah i cried terus bila tengok dia. jsut few days before that i jumpa, peluk dia and now she's on the bed with alat bantuan pernafasan and all those wayar. her BP keep lowering, her Heartbeat seems too slow.She doesnt open her eyes when i call her name.. i just grab yassin and read it beside her. after that i balik rumah sbb nak tukar baju. Around pukul 8-9 sumthing, we got call said that Mok nazak. rushed back to the hospital. as soon i arrived at her bed, she..already gone.. Gone forever.. no more her voice keeps calling me to eat. no more her voice ask me to do anything, no more her voice ask me when PRamlee's movies goin' to be on TV. no more my"protector". no more.. no more... SHe's gone.. Al-FAtihah Mok..

arwah MOk in the hospital, just after tok Ayoh passed away, mok masuk hospital.

2010

Year by year, loss by loss, a lot of things happened but nothing much compare to this loss. another big loss in my life after Arwah Mok and Tok Ayoh gone.It'd happened on middle Jun 2010. I'd been shocked with another loss. one of the closest to me. Arwah Ayoh Loh.

before that, i was in Arau, continue my Intersession class. feeling not so good for few days before and then i got this nightmare again. Ayoh Loh came into my dream,not saying anything just senyum, lambai i then i wake up. i was busy actually with my classes that time but those bad feelings reeally drove me crazy so i just packed my things, went to the bus station in Kangar and just went to penang sbb kebetulan at that time my kazen, Kak Noorr (Anak ke4 arwah) memang nak balik kelantan so i just balik kelantan dgn her family. i Sampai Kb 10hb ptg, masa i salam dgn arwah, sempat la borak sikit2. just pasal studi and my konvo. nothing much. Then i balik PMAS, kg papa. after solat jumaat, my mama got sms from my sis told that ayoh lah pengsan, masuk emergency kat hospital so we rushed back to KB, terus pergi hospital KB. most family dah ada kat situ except MOonie and Abe Iru yg masa tu tgh otw balik. that time kelam kabut.. semua pakat2 baca yassin. Masa tu kat emergency room lagi.. then ayoh ditukarkan ke wad temenggung. wad CCU if i'm not mistaken. aku balik umah time tu bila tetiba xsure siapa tah time tu dpt call kata Ayoh tenat. semua kelam kabut pi balik hospital.Not long after that, he's gone. forever.. tinggalkan isteri(MEk), anak2, menantu dan cucu2..sedih..sebak.. xterucap dengan kata.. pemergian yang tidak dijangka.. pergi tanpa pesan... jatuhnya dia, ditikar sejadah, dimasjid tempat dia menghabiskan masa 5kali sehari.. di hari jumaat.. in here, my kazen Moonie dah citer dengan sejelasnya.. have a look here and u will get the real picture on what happened on that day... we miss u Ayoh.. jasa Ayoh, along xkan lupa utk selamanya.. Al-Fatihah buat Ayoh.

disini, hanya 3 kisah. only 3, i story here.the closest people in my heart.. pergi yang takkan kembali. pergi menemui Maha ESA, pemilik sekalian alam. Namun realitinya, masih byk kehilangan yang terjadi dalam hidup i.. perit utk diterima, rindu membuak buat mereka2 itu namun Allah swt lebih sayangkan mereka.

Ini kisah kehilangan yang nyata..kehilangan utk selamanya..kehilangan yang takkan memungkinkan berjumpa lagi hingga lah kiamat. tapi bagaimana dengan kehilangan didunia? kehilangan suami isteri, ibu bapa dan anak2 kerana penceraian?? putus saudara?? hilang ?? putusnya persahabatan?? macamana bila putus cinta?? mana lagi sakit sebenarnya? putus cinta atau cinta mati?? entah.. to me, a lot of things that i dah lalui sepanjang hidup ni.. namun mungkin yang lagi menyakitkan adalah putus cinta?? yeah.. sakit itu masih terasa.. luka itu masih berdarah.. rasanya putus cinta itu lagi sakit kot dari kehilangan krn kematian.. pada kamu??entah.. masa kita, xkan pernah kita ketahui. yanng pasti ia akan tetap datang bila tiba masanya.. mungkin ini klise tapi yeah hargai mereka yang kita sayang sbb nobody knows when and how we gonna lose them. tell them that u love them so that when it's already late we dont have to say it on their grave. it's never too late until it's too late to say to anyone that u love them.. ok peeps? till then please please take gud care of urself..love people that love u. life is too short so make it worth and full with love. Hidup bahagia.. waalaikumussalam wrt

and always remember that i love u guys,

~iQa~